Think the time is over
3 yrs we are together, i wouldnt trade it for anything else.. But it's 3 yrs too long without going anywhere.. No future plan, no planning of the future. He cannot say when we'll marry, cannot see where we are heading.. our love has diluted, and i dont know what are we now... he said we have become just very good frens, no passion, nothing. I agree somewhat with him, but only cos we have not spent any effort too long now.As a fren told me in brutal honesty "Be strong, dont wallow. You've already wasted 3yrs with him, you decide if you want to waste more time with him. Full Stop." Same guy also said "Some planning must be done after the 1st yr, you cannot waste time. You dont have a few 3 yrs to waste with each guy."
Since I can still be attracted to another guy whilst attached, guess there is already something wrong. But guess this really means he's not going to be Mr Right Forever, but I dont think I want to settle for Mr Right Now. As honestly, I cannot bear the heartache.. I told Brutal Fren maybe I've spoilt us, as I'm never the clingy type, and never demand that we meet when i know he's tired and busy.. Brutal Fren said "BS! No such thing as clingy, if he wants you, he wont care or mind."
Cause: If I'm not clingy, is it cos deep down i know i dont love him that much?
Effect: Is it cos of my lack of feelings that I'm not clingy?
Endless cycle.
Brutal Fren also said he is a coward, for saying to me that I can tell him when I find someone better than him.
We both just dont want to be the one to say the dirty words 'Let's b**** up." See, I dont even put the words properly in the blog.
Regret, wish we could go back to our 1st yr of being together. How we went to M'cca together, he crawling into my bed in the morning, sweetly asking me to be his stead. Me sleeping in his car on the way back later, his hand holding mine tightly.
Wonder what i'll do without him. Wonder if I'll still go back to him, if we both want to make the effort, is there any point? As I think about the long-term, is he the right guy for me?
Worried I'll find myself going back to him, without things to preoccupy my time. My long-time gfs, we are not exactly that tight now.... Dont really feel like telling them too much, as I cannot stand the sympathy, or worse, the critics as one of them would likely think I'm the one who foresake him.
I dont have all the answers now, hopefully, my prayers will tell me something....
posted by Meak Meak @ 7:45 PM
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