The Meak Muses

BBbbbrrrrr....

4 days Cold War with him, so angry... asked him to block out a weekend in June but he cannot do it... wanted to learn diving and is a leave Fri-nite, come back Sun-Afternoon kind of trip.. Don't understand why is it so difficult for him to do so? Not even asking that he block weekdays cos I know that is impossible for him..

Wanted to suan him say 'then like that how to get married?' but didnt want to go to far... in the same SMS, he said may go reservist in Australia in Nov. So WHAT is he trying to say? too short a notice i gave him, or what? WHAT???

Tried to divert topic, but I all ignored his emails. If he wants to talk to him, then call LAH...

posted by Meak Meak @ 4:27 PM 0 comments

How Many....?????

Let me count the ways...

1....
2....
3....
4......

All enjoyable, couple a bit painful though..
Alas, only 1 way is failproof for me...

posted by Meak Meak @ 12:20 PM 0 comments

Phew...

Felt a sense of relief when the pain came. Although the weekend is coming, and I should not like it to happen yet till it's over... But still, I dont have to wonder anymore and worry...

posted by Meak Meak @ 10:01 AM 0 comments

So there....

He came back and emailed me. Told him I was lonely, missed him, and went out with a colleague, a male colleague. His reaction? "Is ok, have fun."

Sigh... What if I have more than 'just fun'? Why is he not asking more? Except, "is he handsome?" Joke, right....

posted by Meak Meak @ 10:53 AM 0 comments

End of the Line

Moo is on business trip during this long weekend. His business trips always during weekend.
I'm going insane. Left to my own devices. Being self-destructive.
Doing things I shouldn't do and will regret later.
Urgh! Why the h*** I'm so impulsive?
Is definitely not gd for myself... Can't understand myself anymore.
What do I want? Why do I not want? Why am I hurting myself, and him (maybe? eventually? hopefully not.)

On one hand, inside of myself, i'm prudish enough to be shocked at myself and wonder what i was doing.
On the other hand, I liked it and I didn't feel regret at the same time.
Dont know if i can afford to indulge. Maybe I can't but I cant stop. And I want to do it again.

I've lost, my way, my pride, my dignity, my self-respect.
I want to cry, but I refused to. I dont if I could and if I could, can I stop once I start?
How can I find back myself? Do I want to be rescued?

posted by Meak Meak @ 11:53 AM 1 comments