The Meak Muses

End of the Line

Moo is on business trip during this long weekend. His business trips always during weekend.
I'm going insane. Left to my own devices. Being self-destructive.
Doing things I shouldn't do and will regret later.
Urgh! Why the h*** I'm so impulsive?
Is definitely not gd for myself... Can't understand myself anymore.
What do I want? Why do I not want? Why am I hurting myself, and him (maybe? eventually? hopefully not.)

On one hand, inside of myself, i'm prudish enough to be shocked at myself and wonder what i was doing.
On the other hand, I liked it and I didn't feel regret at the same time.
Dont know if i can afford to indulge. Maybe I can't but I cant stop. And I want to do it again.

I've lost, my way, my pride, my dignity, my self-respect.
I want to cry, but I refused to. I dont if I could and if I could, can I stop once I start?
How can I find back myself? Do I want to be rescued?

posted by Meak Meak @ 11:53 AM